I have a concrete framework to guide me throughout the year, but my plans don’t hold me hostage or create a shame spiral if I don’t accomplish them perfectly.

Years ago, I abandoned the practice of making New Year's resolutions. It didn’t work for me.

Why not? Because it triggered me. It put me on a shame roller coaster. And I hated that feeling. And then I hated myself for failing.

Here’s what form that took:

Step 1: Imagine the best version of myself.

Step 2: Figure out what needs to change to bring about that Self.

Step 3: Do some enthusiastic follow-through for a few weeks.

Step 4: Notice the results aren’t accumulating fast enough to see that Ideal Self becoming reality anytime soon.

Step 5: Feel discouraged, but tell myself I can do hard things.

Step 6: Repeat Steps 1-4.

Step 7: Eventually (and quietly) give up.

Step 8: Feel ashamed for failing.

The point of making resolutions isn’t to feel terrible about yourself after making them. I wanted to make my life better – and like myself along the way.

So, I stopped making New Year’s resolutions. I wanted a framework that would help me grow and be intentional about my focus for the year, but which would also hold me high and give me room to make adjustments and follow my intuition along the way.

I needed some sort of structure, but also wanted freedom to make the year my own as things unfolded.

Here’s the three-part process I follow. Feel free to use these prompts as part of your own practice!

Part 1: Look back at the concluding year, honestly. I look back and document month by month.

What actually happened?
Who were you?
What did you accomplish?
What did you learn?
What are you grateful for?
Where did you place your focus and what resulted?
What were the disappointments and where is there unfinished business?
What did you neglect and what resulted?

Part 2: Review your answers and notice what they mean for you.

What are you (and only you) responsible for in the coming year?
What’s preventing you from taking responsibility for this/these things?
What needs to shift, to clear the way for you to be successful?
What or who needs your forgiveness, so that you can move forward freely?
What are some new possibilities that resulted from less-than-desirable experiences last year?

Part 3: Envision your vision for the next year in your life. Get specific about what you want to experience or in what areas of life you desire to take action. Get aligned with what it will take to live those, in the coming year.

What’s your clear vision for the coming year? What would it feel like in your body to experience that vision?
Are there actions, behaviors, habits, or tendencies you currently have that do or will stand in the way of realizing that vision? What might you choose to do about that?
Looking back, in 10 years, I’ll see this year as the year I finally…
What do you want to experience regarding your health/wellness? Career/finances? Relationship/family? Self-development? Life purpose or spiritual life?
What will need to happen for you to be on track to intersect with these targets?
What good-feeling accountability measures will help you succeed?

Doing this year-end life review has meant:

I’m more honest with myself and what I can accomplish in a year. Vision drives the process, but unrealistic or magical thinking takes a back seat.
I have a concrete framework to guide me throughout the year, but my plans don’t hold me hostage or create a shame spiral if I don’t accomplish them perfectly.
There is space for surprise and opportunity. I have an outline that provides direction, but which doesn’t hold me hostage to any particular outcome in any life area.
I show up for myself through this practice, and use it as a way to both honor what I’ve learned and spur my own growth. This is an act of self-care.
Being intentional about prioritizing what will make me happy and feel good. I’m more likely to collide with it, not live with happiness as an “afterthought” or a nice-if-it-happens scenario.

What will you create in 2023?

If you’d like personalized help using this three-step practice to shape your life, join me for a New Year Guided Mini Retreat on Jan. 14 or 15.

Much love and gratitude to Masters Glenn and Marilag Mendoza of The Center for Pranic Healing for granting permission to build on and share this annual practice.