2021 is nearly over, and although it was less unpredictable and surprising for me than 2020, it still served up a ton of learning, inspiration, and growth for me personally, as a facilitator, and as a business owner.
Before you move on and look toward welcoming 2022, I’m sharing the top 7 nuggets of wisdom 2021 unlocked for me, in hopes that sharing these will inspire you to 1) consider and crystallize what the year meant for you, and 2) what its value was for you, no matter how you felt throughout the year.
Making sense of the completing year before moving on to the next, has become a foundational practice I look forward to annually. If you would like to join me for a guided New Year mini retreat, details about this year’s offerings are here.
1. Rest is productive.
This spring I did an Ayurvedic cleanse, which meant an entire 7 days prioritizing rest, reflection, and gentleness with myself. As someone who exercises daily and loves being highly engaged in work and socializing, this was a stark departure from normal. I was convinced I’d be antsy, bored, and stagnant.
At the end, I was amazed that I felt nurtured inside and out, and I’d even lost a couple of pounds. Turns out that a week of less screen time, rest and slowing down works wonders, even for someone like me who craves a full-contact approach to life. Rest brought me lots of clarity I couldn’t have notices from an all-action standpoint, and I’m especially thankful for the insights that came as a result.
2. Honor your inner guidance. You’re on the right track, even if you’re not feeling super confident about where you are.
This year has been a big year of integration and emotional healing for me. For most of 2021, I wasn’t sure how to feel about how I was feeling, what to do to move myself forward, or where exactly I was going. For a strategic planner who usually starts with a concrete vision and works backward step by step to get there, this was a departure from how I usually tackle life. I allowed myself grace to rest (as above), to feel whatever I was feeling without having to make sense of it, and to cool my jets on immediate plans.
By reminding myself I didn’t need to “have” a destination, but that I was on a journey and I needed to do no more than focus on one step at a time, then the path would reveal itself. Now that I’m into my own new cycle of the year (which starts, for me, on my December birthday instead of the New Year), I can see that 2021 was preparing me for where I am now . It gave me skills and practices to pause and invoke self-compassion and gentleness. I’ve realized that the space freed up from doing, always fills in with clarity and inspiration for how to move forward, when it’s time.
3. Go big by going micro.
Every journey starts with a single step, and that journey, no matter how long or arduous it is, will be completed one step at a time. I realized last month that I had a lot of big plans and goals for the medium to long term, but I had been frozen in a state of overwhelm when it came to knowing how to tackle them. Instead of moving ahead with specific actions, I returned to the state of “OMG I have no idea what I’m doing“ and then usually did nothing at all. That can be productive for a bit, but over time, I realized I’d moved into full-blown avoidance.
I cured my “I don’t know how” paralysis by remembering that what I want to live usually happens much more easily when I make a lifestyle out of it.
That meant that I didn’t have to know how each part of it went and master absolutely everything about a huge long-term goal; I just had to:
Look at the big goal
Break it down into logical bite-sized steps that, together, would each get me closer to achieving the big goal
Assign myself tasks and deadlines that would advance those bite-sized steps
Be accountable for completing the bite-sized steps.
Celebrate each step’s completion (the most important part), and move on to the next step on the list.
4. They’re not paying attention.
Part of my paralysis this year was in worrying about what people might think if I showed more of myself. Although I’ve been practicing detachment from other people’s opinions, there was one area in particular that I thought if I showed people, it would confuse or turn them off. I gathered my courage, went ahead, and shared about that thing: that I had been interested in, and now certified in, hypnosis.
Literally nothing happened when I did. The earth did not shake. Nothing looked different. Although, surprisingly (to me), I received messages of support and new followers I knew personally, but who I’d never expected would resonate with this new side of me and my work.
That showed me that no one is really keeping track of me, and whatever I had the courage to share, more likely than not, I’d receive support over shunning or judgment. This has also given me a basis for encouraging my clients to be even more courageous, because either no one will notice that big scary thing you’re worrying about, or you’ll receive support. So what’s the big deal?
5. Fear stops your greatness.
They say you teach what you need to learn. From #4, from working with clients who are going through some of the struggles I’ve moved through myself, and from my work as a hypnotist, over and over, I see that what people most want to do in life or professionally, usually has fear attached to it. Fear of safety, fear of adequacy, fear of stability, fear of lack. I don’t believe we were born with these fears, but that we picked them up from very well-meaning people who were trying to protect us from getting hurt, and then these became so natural to us, that we adopted them.
Living courageously is not for everyone. But I’ve also learned that your purpose—or your calling—will keep calling to you, even when you ignore it, suppress it, bury it, or kill it with your doubt. I personally believe that all of your wounds, gifts, talents, skills, and beliefs are a box set—that, when put into action by you, perfectly equip you to fulfill the purpose you came into this life with. And on the way to getting there, it seems the only and unfailing requirement is that you must pass through your own fear.
When you’ve identified your calling, it’s my experience that it will keep calling you (which can get annoying when you want to hide, and especially when what you thought was perfect or stable or right fails), because you’re meant to move through it. That’s the only way you will convince yourself that you can do it, you can have it, you can prevail. The only way to get there is through the fear. By doing the inner work (which, by the way, can be joyful and not just hard). So, if you’re not honoring your calling, fear is keeping you small. Fear is keeping you from your greatness, fulfillment, and from a truly meaningful life. (And this realization is why I created this).
6. You’re not alone. And it’s better that way.
The start of my business coincided with a fiercely independent phase of my life. I wanted my work to fall inside a container I could control, regarding the scope, scale, and energy it would require from me and my clients. I was also burned out on corporate / nonprofit culture, and sought a simpler, quieter, scaled-down and less complex way of working. During that time, apart from sharing this blog monthly-ish, I did not actively share about the work. Not because I didn’t want people to know about it, but to avoid attracting more than I could personally handle. I had enough clients and the revenue to be totally self sufficient and totally free, and that was enough. Simple, and satisfying.
Then more came knocking. Not having advertised my work, I didn’t expect inquiries, and for most of two years, I resisted new clients. I felt sufficient, satisfied. I opened conversations with prospects by interviewing them. I asked lots of questions and did not back down on my rates. I wanted any new clients to be a fit, a win-win. I ended up falling in love with a few and brought them on, making a bargain with myself: I will only take them on if I get help.
So, I hired a part time person. And it changed my world. I didn’t realize that by staying small, I had been limiting the impact my business and I could have, and the missions we could help serve and amplify. Suddenly, I had a thought partner, a talented person whose talents I could help further cultivate, and through this work help them develop skills they could monetize on their own. I could create jobs!
Now I’m expanding the team again because I see now I was avoiding being bigger because I was wanting to stay safe and comfortable myself. But by creating a team who would make the work even better, and help reach even more people, I could empower clients, a team, and grow the business at the same time. Win-win-win! So that’s what’s in motion for 2022. I’m out of avoidance mode and welcoming growth here too.
7. Only you can activate your power and fulfill your purpose.
I believe we each came here for a specific purpose. That purpose calls us continually until we answer it. For a chunk of my career, I wasn’t sure what that purpose was for me, but I also knew I wanted to feel fulfilled. My tendency was to avoid being responsible for my own shortcomings and choices, and to blame others for not choosing me or not “getting” me. I was so certain of my competence and value. Until I wasn’t, and a series of breakdowns in life and work got my attention. I realized no one was coming to save me. No one could fulfill my purpose for me. And they weren’t going to choose me, until I looked at the through-line in all my breakdowns: me.
I committed to do my own inner work. Typically, life is easier without doing the inner work. Until it isn’t. That’s when I restarted my meditation practice, went out on my own, and took a look at what was mine. I accepted responsibility for my choices. I began forgiving myself, and then privately, others I’d hurt, or who had hurt me. I started a new spiritual practice, and learned that with the space I’d cleared, I had created new capacity for presence, joy, and love. I learned how to fill my cup. And from fullness, I was so much more valuable than I’d ever been—to myself, my clients, my family, and the world.
I learned that the inner work is a thriving way of life for me. It’s part of what brings me joy and fulfills me, and often it’s why clients show up seeking my services; oftentimes, they are seeking too, and have a sense I can help. It’s this facilitation, healing and service that I am here to do: to help empower people and their work to reach their highest potential. And no one could have figured that out for me. So here we are: 2022, I’m coming for you. And I’m excited for the continuing unfolding journey we’re all on together. There could not be a more perfect moment—for us both.